In the story below, there is an important sentence: We discussed possible actions with Dr. X and decided to halt all invasive treatments, a course that my family has long agreed to.
I know from personal experience what this simple bit of family planning can mean for the terminally ill patient and for his or her relatives. My Mom's living will had this directive, among others:
That no extraordinary measures be used to prolong my life if in the sole judgment of my daughter and my physician such measures will not restore me to a level of life that is commensurate with the mental and, to a lesser degree, physical standards by which I have been fortunate enough to live. Without limitation, such extraordinary measures include cardiac and/or pulmonary resuscitation, mechanical respiration, tube (intravenous and/or nesogastric) feeding and antibiotics.
She wrote and signed this in the early 1990's, when she was in her early 70's and therefore likely well before it would be likely to be applied. The application of her directive occurred two years ago after an accident left her with a severe head injury and internal bleeding in her brain. When it became clear that, in her words, "the application of life-sustaining procedures would serve only to artificially prolong the moment of my death", my sisters and I were empowered to have a short and decisive conversation to remove the respirator and other measures that were keeping her alive. With no regrets on our part, she died just a few hours later.
Afterwards, the ICU nurse kindly reaffirmed our decision, saying to me: "You, of all people, know that we can keep people alive forever. You did the right thing. She would have spent the rest of her life on her back in a nursing home, unable to talk or move. Surely, she would not have wanted that."
A living will with this kind of advance directive is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give to his or her children. If you don't have one, or your parents don't, please have one prepared and discuss it with your relative while you are both still able to do so.